Today is the final day in the year 2011. I’m not sad to see it go. It had a lot of ups and downs (way too many downs for my liking) and I look forward to a fresh start in 2012. But do we ever really get a fresh start?
I look back at all the good things that happened in 2011 and they are completely overshadowed by the lows of losing my dear friend, Sarah Bach, all the strife in our school/parish, and the fact I am parenting Abby again full time and trying to figure out that relationship now that she is 20 and has been out of our home for two years. The worse part is the self-abuse I doled out in the form of a 30 lb weight gain.
It’s no wonder my neurologist put me on an anti-depressant. I wish it was an instant cure for my sadness, but it isn’t. I have to actually DO something to make myself happy once more. I have to learn to accept Sarah’s death all life throws at me as part of a big picture. Ultimately I have to end my sadness myself. I have to find the courage to be better.
And that’s where I stand right now: finding better. 2012 is my fresh start. It is my opportunity to turn the page and begin again. I have to shed the old, down in the dumps me for a shinier, happier me.
So I put that old friend “bodybugg” back on. I’m tracking, I’m moving, I’m trying…and I am taking 2012 one day at a time. I’ve set my short term goals and my long term goal. I will post my results here.
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m askin’ of you
Just give me the strength
To do every day what I have to do
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord, help me today, show me the way
One day at a time